Women are incredibly self-critical of themselves. The most seemingly confident women who we may look at and see not even one single flaw or reason to be insecure has insecurities. It's a sad truth, but we can't escape it. We see air-brushed images on the covers of magazines, perfectly sculpted bodies in bathing suits on television shows. When we look in the mirror, that is not what most of us see.
Anyone who has talked to me about my own personal struggle with my body and weight has heard me say that I'm looking for a balance. I KNOW I'm never going to look like those starlets on TV or in the movies. So, I should just stop the comparison game, right?! All I want is balance. I love to enjoy food and drinks with friends, but I also want to be good with the way I look.
One thing that I have learned is that my style matters. When I get dressed for my body, I walk differently, I talk differently. I don't hide because I am okay being seen and being heard. When I ignore the size on the tag and focus on the fit and how I FEEL in the clothes, I feel ... beautiful.
Style Matters.
Particularly in a post-Covid world, the expectation that most people set the bar at for their wardrobe is LOOOOOWWW. I had many people ask me when we began to gather again if I thought it would ever go back to how it was when it came to getting dressed. My answer was no and I certainly have been proved right. But, here is the painful truth. I wish it would. I wish we never knew that completely lazy, dressed down way of life.
There was a 25% increase in depression post-Covid (WHO study).
We were forced to be away from people. For women in particular, female friendships and social life are incredibly important for our health. Author Shasta Nelson shares the statistic that not having close friendships is akin to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day on a woman's health and well-being.
Life was quiet. We got up and did the same thing over and over. When we did go out, we couldn't see people's faces. Do you remember when the masks came off seeing people who you had been seeing frequently and thinking "Wow. The bottom half of her face is NOTHING like I expected!" I know that I did.
But we got lazy in our style. Sweatpants and tee shirts everyday kinda lazy. Was it comfortable? YES! But, did it damage our self-esteem? Also, YES!
Style is an Inside-Out job ... or is it Outside-In?
When you have someplace important to be, maybe a job interview, you think METICULOUSLY about what you will wear. It has to be perfect. You have to feel amazing in it. You likely even go to the store to purchase something new and fresh for the occasion that will make you stand tall and confident. Why do you do that? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First, you want to make a good impression. You clearly understand deep down that what you wear and how you present yourself makes a difference. But, second, you want to feel powerful. You don't want to be tugging at too-tight clothing or worrying that your top is too low cut. You want to feel like a badass when you walk into that interview.
So, which is it? Did the chicken come first or the egg? It's the same thinking with style. I tell clients often that when they need to feel their absolute best, they need to dress for it. In that case, it's an outside-in job. You dress on the outside to lift your self-esteem on the inside. BUT, what if you work on the internal dialogue you have about your worth, self-value, beauty, body and all of the things that get us "stinkin' thinkin'" and then the confidence comes for you to wear clothes that fit your new self-perception?
Both work. My expert opinion is that it's EASIER to work from the Outside-In.
How do you know if your style is broken?
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- When you walk in your closet, do you see a mishmash of styles that don't work together?
- Do you often put on certain items in your closet and you never wear them because they just don't feel "right" for some reason?
- Do you have items in your closet that you have owned for over 5 years that you never wear?
- Do you have items in your closet that don't fit your current body size?
- Do any of the items in your closet feel outdated or look incredibly worn?
- Are you overwhelmed when you look at your closet because there is so much there, but you still feel like you can't put together a decent outfit?
- Do you feel like you wear the same five to ten outfits on repeat?
- When you get dressed each morning, is your goal to NOT be seen or noticed?
- Do you feel uncomfortable or self conscious in the clothes you wear?
- Have you evolved your style as you have aged and had life changes?
- Do you hold onto clothes "just in case" the style comes back?
- Do you have pieces hanging in your closet with tags on them because they looked so cute on the rack, but you have never found a place to wear them?
- When you picture your ideal self and your ideal style, do the clothes that are in your closet reflect and complement that image?
If you answered yes to even 3 of these questions, it is time to re-visit your style. I want you to really think about the image you want to portray. Think about the message you want to send to others and, more importantly, to yourself. Do you have children? Do you want them to see you feeling confident and amazing and showing up? Do you want them to emulate the woman you are right now?
As soon as you are done reading this post, I want you to carve out 30 minutes of your time to hop into Pinterest and search fashion styles. Some possible searches may be:
- Woman over 40 stylish aesthetic
- Effortless weekend style
- Confident workwear for women over 40
- Bold and colorful outfits over 40
- Feminine style aesthetic
- Modern updates to classic styles
Begin to think of what you would like to communicate with your style. Keep adding to this Pinterest Board as you see styles that you would love to wear. Then begin to look for those styles and see how they work for you!
Another thing for you to do is to really think about whose style inspires you. Don't look at Red Carpet style, look at images of famous people in their daily life. Who has a style you love? What do you love about it? Would it work for YOUR life?
When I work with my Clients, we dive very deep into personal style aesthetics and the Pinterest Board is just the start. If you find yourself needing help discovering the perfect style meant for you, I would love to work with you. You can check out my Level UP Style Package to create a fully formed beautiful style that includes a closet edit, shopping, and fully curated looks or look at my Style COMPASS package, which allows you to fully develop your style, but does not include the closet, shopping, or looks.
Here's to getting your style on-point!
Stylishly Yours,
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